Truth holds deep value for healing through the process of vulnerability.
Today I share with you some of my truth. Truth that surfaced through a collection of pathways while I was submersed in the teachings at the Initiating the Heart conference a few weeks back.
See the thing about vulnerability and the surfacing of truths, is it can be messy and uncomfortable. Yet it’s always healing. Always. That’s if we’re willing to do the work and invite things to bubble up.
Imagine for a moment, shutting off your cell phone and being disconnected from all technology for almost two weeks. No phone, tablet, computer, radio or television. Nothing. What might you do with this time? How would you fill your time? What, if anything, do you think you’d discover? What do you want to discover? What would you get done? Yes, twelve days is a long time. So what if you could go 24 hours without looking at your phone? What opportunity or possibility might be available to you in those 24 hours?
I had the absolute pleasure of doing just that; disconnecting from all external stimuli for 12 days during the conference. At first I thought it might be challenging but it wasn’t. I quickly understood why we were doing it and the benefits that could come from it. During the Heart conference we worked with archetypes, dreams, energy, patterns and forces, polarities, meditation, active imagination, higher levels of consciousness, ritual and ceremony, tarot, art and creativity.
Each one of us (30 in total) received an initiation of our heart center; an opening of our heart center. Directly following our initiations, we went into three days of silence and fasting. That’s right. No talking, passing notes, reading or solid food for three days. Perhaps at this point you may be wondering why on Earth I would register for a conference like this. I’ll tell you. I’ve been working with Carole Kammen of Pathways Institute for almost a year now and I know the value of the work she offers. Carole is a wealth of knowledge, wisdom and experience and learning from her has become important to me. The retreats, workshops and conferences she has provided have given me the opportunity to go deep into myself and my life. It’s depth work, or consciousness work if you will. I knew that Heart was the right next step for me.
So back to silence and fasting, and my truth.
The three days … the twelve days … all of it gave me the opportunity to discover many things about myself including this truth I share with you now.
I sacrificed my faith in myself to the god of fear and doubt.
I sacrificed my faith in myself to the god of comparing myself to others.
I sacrificed my faith in myself to the god of self-judgement.
I sacrificed my faith in myself to the god of not good enough.
False gods, every single one of them.
As this truth continued to surface, I cried a lot. (Enter the messy and uncomfortable I mentioned earlier) But to get vulnerable is to heal!
I turned to my dreams (the only one I remembered), my feelings, my body, meditation, active imagination and art which were necessary and essential guides in my self-discovery.
Through this work I remembered that I am one with God and God is one with me. There is no separation and I am made of stars and galaxies, love and light.
Going deeper still, came increased awareness that God couldn’t possibly be fear and doubt, couldn’t possibly compare itself to others or have judgement of itself. Nor could God in any way feel not good enough.
God is love, certainty, and confidence. God is comfortable in its own skin and fully understands its power and magnificence. God is understanding, compassionate and accepting. God doesn’t need to change a thing because God is good enough exactly as it is.
Well then … if I am one with God and God is one with me, then there is no way I could be anything but love, certainty, confidence, comfortable in my own skin, powerful, magnificent, understanding, compassionate, accepting and above all else … good enough.
My truth is, I have sacrificed much of Who I Am to an assortment of false gods and sadly fell into a life-long behavioral pattern of berating and punishing myself for … well … for a lot of reasons. (A whole other “truth” that surfaced during this work. Maybe it’ll be my next blog post)
My truth is, I am good enough.
My truth is, I am one with nature, you, the planet and the Universe. I am one with all. And I am good enough.
Above photo is from our closing ceremony at the Initiating the Heart conference held at Essex Woods Retreat Center in Essex MA. That's me, on my knees, fifth one in from the right.