In My practice of vulnerability i offer you this

Our belief systems are as vital and as important as our internal organs.  Without them, we would not exist.  They, our thoughts, create our physical reality.   What we believe about life and about ourselves becomes true for us.  It’s that simple.  Putting this discipline into practice can be more challenging.
 
Our beliefs, stories, suggestions, definitions, expectations, and assumptions create our experience of physical reality, moment to moment throughout the day.  Paying attention to your train of thought will give you the opportunity to witness the reality you’re creating and offer you the vision to see how life is reflecting back to you, what you are believing to be true about yourself and your life around you.
 
It is often habitual and sometimes unconscious, the stories we create in our minds following an event that happens.  We tell ourselves something based on the event and then we attach meaning to it.  This leads to a behavior and an outcome that isn’t always our preference.  Why?  Because we automatically go to stories that are based in negativity and fear.  
 
In my practice of vulnerability and desire to share with the hopes of inspiring another soul into introspection, I offer you this personal experience.
 
With three minutes left of class and in the process of moving students out of their deep relaxation, my mic died.   Two classes in a row I “lost sound” and students couldn’t hear me or my instruction.  I was mortified because it was the second class in a row my sound went out.   The first time the whole house went dark, and my internet connection lost.
 
There was a new student in class and as we began I noticed a fleeting moment of “needing to make her happy”.    It was her second class with me.  I could have in that moment, paused, and shifted, but I didn’t.   I taught from that energic place and then my mic dropped. 
 
The few hours that followed were not what I would call a preferred outcome from class.  I was angry and embarrassed and in a vicious cycle of beating myself up.  I was punishing myself and I projected some of that anger and punishment on the people around me.   Can you imagine what kind of stories I was creating in my head?
 
I knew I needed to get still and breathe, so that’s what I did.  With my journal next to me, I started to write.  In stillness I tuned into the stories and the feelings and sensations associated with them.  In simply being in them from a neutral place, I began to get curious about what I was believing to be true. 
 
Here are some of the stories I was telling myself.
 
I am inadequate and unworthy to teach a class on Zoom.
I should have checked the battery life.
Because this happened and it’s my fault, I need to be punished.
I chose to mentally punish myself and verbally punish those around me.
I ruined their day.
I suck.
I didn’t do it right.
People hate me.  They talk about me.
I need to impress her, make her happy with her financial investment in me.
She did something for me so now I must repay the favor.
It’s selfish to receive.
Pleasing her is more important than showing the real me.
I feel shame and guilt.
It’s not safe for me to be me.
You do what’s right Shauna.  You make sure she’s happy and that she likes you.
People’s opinions of me are more important than the opinions I have of myself.
 
 
There are many more layers underneath the layers underneath the layers of beliefs I’m carrying around with me.  As I peeled through each one and weeded out as many as I could, it came down to what it always comes down to.  The core negative beliefs of unworthiness and inadequacy.  Not being good enough.
 
When I, or you, allow for or chose the experience of unworthiness, we lower our overall energy frequency and slow down the transmission of information that runs along the neural pathways of the body and brain.  We become out of alignment and out of balance with the essence of who we really are.
Worthy.  Each one of us.  Worthy.  We have to be worthy of our existence in order to create an experience of unworthiness.  Lovely paradox, no?
 
This is how it works:
An event happens in your life. 
A story or stories are created in that moment.
Meaning is attached and the feeling created.  (You cannot experience a feeling without a belief first)
Behavior is then acted through the story.
All leading to an outcome or experience that is not preferred.
 
Looks like this:
New student in class.
Chose to ignore my inner voice and intuition and dove right down into negative stories
Mic drop
Que the low energy feelings and emotions
Self-hatred and projection
Discord and unhappiness
 
Have your thoughts moved yet to an event or strong emotion you’ve been “dealing with”?   Are you relating any of this to your own life?
 
Also, I couldn’t ignore that fact that I lost sound two classes in a row.  Clearly the Universe was trying to get my attention about something.  So I sat with that and got curious.  My ah-ha moment came when I remembered that just a month ago I received a throat and third eye initiation at the Awakening the Seer conference.  Boom.  Open chakra.  Ready to go.  Waiting on me.  What is it I need to say?  What do I need people to hear?  What truth am I not sharing?  What might I be unwilling to hear?  What new expression do I need to stand tall in?  What is ready to be birthed in creation?  Where do I need to use my voice?
 
Here. Right here.
I haven’t had the urge to write like I am now, in a very long time.  It took this event and experience of stillness and listening to remind me of one of my excitements.   *sigh*  Don’t you just love how the Universe works? 
 
I invite you friends, to start paying attention to the top layers of your thoughts.  The stories you are telling yourself about events that happen and what you belief about yourself and the world around you.  Invite yourself to be with yourself in stillness, reflection, and introspection.  Get curious and listen.  Let yourself swim gracefully and intentionally through the layers of your beliefs.
 
I end by saying this …
 
They’re just stories and stories can be changed.  I have the power to change them, and so do you.