What would you have to believe to be true that causes you to modify or adjust your thoughts, words, or behavior? What would you have to believe to be true that would cause you to abandon yourself and your authenticity so you could fit in, be loved, or accepted?
We tell ourselves stories all the time. Sometimes these stories are based in positivity and love, but often our stories are based in limitation, negativity, and fear. For so many of us, we live within the paradox or the struggle of belonging vs. authenticity.
When you were a baby, you needed your parents for your survival. Many of us … most of us … were raised by wounded adult children who had little-to-no capacity to deal with their emotions and their own neediness. So, when attempts by you, as a baby, to express yourself and your needs were met with disapproval, when mom and dad couldn’t respond to you sufficiently, you abandoned your authenticity in order to preserve the attachment to your parents. You became compliant to their wishes and demands, and you began to adjust your behavior in an attempt to satisfy your parents.
For so many of us, this behavior is carried throughout our lifetime and applied to countless experiences and relationships. You are not responsible for the type of childhood programming or conditioning you received, but you are responsible for what you do with it as an adult. Your parents were doing the best they could with the knowledge and understanding they had at the time, so do yourself a favor and let yourself be in the process of forgiveness. The spiritual practices of healing one’s life is never about blame, but is always about a sense of understanding, overcoming, transforming, and moving closer to your True Authentic Self.
Before I go on, I want to share that I’m just touching the surface of our experience here in physical reality. In no way am I trying to make light of childhood abuses, neglect, or trauma. I would always suggest professional help in healing yourself through whatever means work for you. My personal belief is that we choose our parents and our conditioning in order to overcome and transform our challenges as adults, and to move closer to remembering our Essential Self. With anything anyone writes or teaches or shares, it’s important for you to take what feels right, and leave the rest.
For the sake of understanding, the words “stories” and “beliefs” are interchangeable.
Humans are social creatures. We want to feel as if we belong, somewhere. Within our family unit, our tribe, out community, and in the world. The important piece here, is belonging, while being authentic instead of trying to fit in. You are here to be your own unique shape, like a piece of a puzzle. You, along with all the other shapes and sizes “fit in” together to form one large, magnificent tapestry of existence. Yet all too often, we are still in a place of modifying and adjusting our thoughts, words, and behaviors because at a very deep level we still believe the attachment or sense of belonging is more important than being our True Self.
We end of sacrificing so much and continuously abandon our truth. We play small so that others will feel better about themselves. We end up spending so much of our lives, living them for other people! We often think, speak, and behave in a way we think other people want us to. All of this is rooted in the first relationships and experience of ourselves, with our parents, when we’re babies.
How many times have you wanted to really say what’s on your mind and speak your truth, but didn’t?
How often have you wanted to take a risk, but didn’t?
How many times have you wanted to end the relationship, but haven’t?
How often have you wanted to shine as bright as the sun, but didn’t?
How many times have you wanted to express yourself through your passions, but didn’t?
How often do you feel the pull to live a life bigger than that of others, but haven’t?
Why not? Why haven’t you set a boundary, spoken your truth, taken a risk, shined bright, expressed your uniqueness, or lived your life on your terms? Because again, at a deep level you believe it’s more important to fit in, belong and be someone you think other people want you to be. Because you are telling yourself stories based in limitation, fear, and negativity. Somewhere within you, that little girl or that little boy believes it’s not safe to be herself or himself, that you can’t trust your uniqueness and your authenticity will be met with loving arms of acceptance for who you truly are.
Every time you abandon your True personality, you lower your vibration to match another’s. In doing so, you create a struggle within yourself. Can you feel that? Of course you can, you know it’s there. You’ve felt it many times, haven’t you?
What you believe about yourself, and your life becomes true for you. It’s that simple. Your physical reality is rooted in your belief systems, in the stories you tell yourself about who you are. How are those stories working for you currently? How ready are you to fully let go of the stories that keep you in patterns of inauthenticity and abandonment? Then I suggest you start to pay attention to the moments when you adjust your thoughts, your words, or your behaviors and ask yourself …. What would I have to believe to be true in order to behave this way, in order to speak the way I’m speaking, in order for me to feel the way I’m feeling? What stories am I telling myself in regard to fitting in and belonging?
Self-Awareness and Transformational Coach, Inner Child Advocate, and Yin Yoga Teacher.